Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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