Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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