Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
