you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
