My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
