She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
