i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
