Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize