he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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