I faked an abortion last night.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
