Who did Billy Mays play for?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
