1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
