She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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