Can Purell be used as lube?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
