Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
