i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
