He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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