I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
