its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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