too bad you live with your parents still
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize