why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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