There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
