Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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