You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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