I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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