Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
