Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
