Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
