So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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