you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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