My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
