Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
