does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
