Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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