Rock
Scissors
Fuck
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize