ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
