what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
