Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
