my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize