Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
