He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
