In America we eat man semen.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize