It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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