It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
