4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
