I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
