I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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