So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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