I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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