I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
