If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
