Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
