I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize
