Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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