OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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