I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
