We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
