I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
nutella sex= disaster
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize