Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
