I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
