He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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