dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
my phone needs a breathalizer
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize
