Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Who died my cat blue again?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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