Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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