If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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