Tell her she can't have a vagina
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
