I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
You ever have a fart follow you around?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
