capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
